Bad Boys

Do you want to be or have one? 

An original bad boy

Are you a nice guy sick of girls passing you by because you think they want a bad boy?

Do your friends tell you to "treat them mean to keep them keen"?

Are you a girl who finds herself telling guys "you are nice, but..."?

Do you find yourself hankering after the elusive one?

In nature you will see courtships going on, it is aligned with the breeding season.  The male of the species works hard to get the female interested in him.  Likewise the human male may instinctively want to work hard to get a female.  Those who recognise this, may term it as the thrill of the chase.  Once "caught" the human female is no longer a challenge and the male may want to either back off or go to pastures new.  This primal instinct of "wash* and go" is also seen in the animal kingdom, particularly mammals, for monogamy is not prevalent here.  Interestingly it is often seen amongst birds.  Do feel free to swap wash for the slang equivalent of copulation.

Without being arrogant we humans are a little more evolved than many animals and have the ability to act beyond our primal instincts.  Perhaps having no universal human breeding season has assisted our copulatory evolution and we have veered away from some of our natural instincts.  Returning to the idea of wash and go, there may be something about the woman that refuses to let a man completely withdraw, so when her interests wane his instincts drive him forward to try again.  So ladies you can see men actually have to fight nature's propulsion to step outside this cycle, but having moved on from the times of the Neanderthal, man (or at least a  percentage) has evolved to be able to do just that.




What exactly is a bad boy?

According to Oxford Online Dictionary  a bad boy is "a man who does not conform to approved standards of behaviour, especially in a particular sphere of activity".  The Urban Dictionary has entries with phrases such as: "he's independent and wilful; he does what he wants when he wants; he doesn't follow trends, they follow him;", " A male individual who just couldn't give less of a flying rat's ass about anything", "a person of deep myth and circumstance, who's name is associated with all that is wrong/evil but at the same time being celebrated for the ability to come out unscathed from it all".  These expressions infer a bad boy is a rebellious, cocky or confident, self-centred individual.  Is it the rebellious nature that appeals to the opposite sex?  Or is the key word "confident".  Both sexes find confidence attractive.

Cockiness is confidence expressed in a conceited manner.  If you have ever visited a stately home you will, as I, have witnessed the peacock courtship dance. By returning to nature we can observe how the word cocky "strutting like a cock" can adhere to men who metaphorically show off their plumage in a bid to get the girl.  Read about this courtship dance and see just how far  human personality types mirror the natural world.  I have already suggested that just a percentage of men have evolved from their Neanderthal roots and overcome primal instincts.

Bad boy is not a role with expectations attached and though we have the generic dictionary definition, it does not give depth.  Rightly or wrongly we attribute our own thoughts to the term which broadens the spectrum of what a bad boy actually is.  Other terms associated with bad boy are players and Alpha males.

Personally I am drawn to the positive connotion of the term: Alpha male.  I look to nature and there I see a strong force with a protective nature.  Alpha males are often observed in dog and primate communities.  The Alpha male assumes the prime position in the animal community's hierarchy.  Other animals pay respect to him which has thus been earned due to his combined qualities (which may include intelligence as well as physical supremacy) and role attachments.  He has to protect the community from others, and protect his immediate group from usurpers.  This site shows the social structure  including the hierarchy, of primates alongside comparisons to human societies.


Unfortunately in our human society the Alpha male can be seen as an act: acting tough/loud/domineering/authoritarian/brash/conceited; and very seldom earns respect. That is unless it is harnessed in the business world.  Much of the Alpha male traits lean towards egotistical behaviour.  True Alpha males fight to get to the top, fight to stay there, fight to get what they want and fight for their loved ones, and would not label themselves thus due to the negative human connotation.  Give me an Alpha male, a real man who is true to his gender qualities and is emotionally intelligent; complete in himself but ready for female complementation.  It just makes me want to roar like the Alpha female I am.

Nice Guys

Let us take a look at what I have already shown: the peacock having strutted his stuff and the alpha male primate having fought for prime position, both of these animal examples show that animalistic assertiveness is needed to “get the girl”.  Nice guys do not generally exhibit this behaviour.  On the positive end of the spectrum a nice guy is genuinely a caring individual but on the negative end, we have someone seeking to please and seeking to be liked, a man awash with insecurities.  Nevertheless nice guys appear more in touch with their feminine side than bad boys.  Just considering that opposites attract (and ignoring the subject of homosexuality), why would us girls want to copulate or cohabit (with those copulatory tendencies) with another female or female simulation? No matter how much we humans have evolved we do still have our strong primal instincts.  However nice guys do make for better long term partners than bad boys.

Today’s society, particularly here in the West, is very confusing for our gender identities.  Roles have merged and the boundaries blurred.  The modern man and the modern woman have strived for equality, in both the workplace, at home and in leisure.  People listen up: men and women will NEVER be equal.  We are mentally wired up differently and of course have major biological differences to allow for procreation and survival of the species.  We should celebrate firstly our gender and then who we are individually.  I suggested early on that we use dating to get to know ourselves through the interaction of others.  It is only by getting to know ourselves that we become capable of knowing our desires concerning life partners, and by partners I am actually concurring that we can have several significant partners throughout our lifetimes (feel free to cast blame onto our generally non-monogamous species of primates).

Is there hope for bad boys and nice guys and their opposite gender equivalents?

Great news, of course there is.  The answer is simply getting to know yourself and embracing your qualities, faults and foibles.  As you learn to embrace all that is you, you will begin to like yourself, and eventually love yourself, in the non-Narcissistic way. You will become less needy: less attention seeking, less seeking to please others and sacrificing of your own needs.  Life itself will guide you.  All you have to do is heed your life's lessons.

I think we need to look at How? as another topic.