Blah Blah Blah From Other Sites

Only Follow Advice Which You Feel Is right For YOU!

Try browsing the Net and see what advice you can get from other sites.  It falls into two distinct types: psychological geared for self-help and relationship advice, and practical tips such as here.    There is a wealth of information that you can click on in an instant.  Some of it is free and some of it starts of as free.  Are they promising you if you do this you will get that, or if you do that you will get this?  Are they telling you what to do, how to act or what to say, in order to get that gorgeous guy and seduce him into bed, or get the girl of your dreams, marry and live happily with 2.4 children?  Yes, a little stereotypical gender aspiration reversal here, standing as an example, for no matter what promises are made, they will NOT stand true for all, when you consider the advice originates from psychological averages*.  Miss Average meets Mr Average. Their date is wonderfully average, emitting average interaction and average behaviour. They go on and have more wonderful average dates and end up with a blissful average "Happily Ever After".  

*Average: think in a mathematical sense, NOT as in the definition of ordinary/mediocre.


If you return to the first page of my Blog you will see this statement: "...there is nothing wrong with using dating as an aid to discovering what you want AND discovering you, for different people will bring out different facets of you." Experiencing life is the best way in which to learn about ourselves, to learn about other people, and to learn how we can interact with others successfully.  If we are willing to open ourselves up to these lessons, we will then be taking them on board and evolving.

imagine charting all the components and variables of x and y and the
intersection being the only time when the desired result occurs

Following advice may help you act appropriately in order to get a desired result but it does not guarantee it.  Far too many variables exist for that to happen.   People individually are complex let alone adding another to the equation. There is not a book big enough, or an internet site large enough to give advice on how one person can manipulate a situation, themselves and another person to get a desired result.  x may represent females (it certainly does in the science of biology by the fact x = the female chromosome and y = the male chromosome) but it is such a tiny part of the dating and/or relationship picture.  All people are the sum of their genes, experiences and ever-changing thoughts and emotions at one moment in time. Imagine the equation x+y= fireworks on 22 March 2012.  Yet consider if x had met y the day before when her car had broken down and y had taken his cat to the vets, the result could be indifference or worse, such as x+y=Zzzzzzzzzzzz.  


The same can happen in an established relationship...

Chemistry sizzled for me when I met F for the first time.  All my senses went into overdrive, but a little decorum was initially needed.  I will let you imagine the fireworks that took place at a later date, and an ensuing relationship.  Fast forward eight months and events were tempting me to believe: 




My head was telling my heart the relationship had run its course.  We made love.  My intent was one of goodbye.  A metaphysical experience over-ruled my intent and added itself to our equation (our souls/essence/higher selves had connected).  This resulted in me spending two further years in the relationship (albeit at this time long distance).  The love, the lust, the chaos were all part of our x+y; and for me personally, paramount to my growth.  




Please do not think reading certain literature is pointless for it is far from it (I did question whether it is worth reading Men Are From Mars, after-all), you just have to work out what is right for you.  Just remember there are no universal rules for the success in meeting someone and it turning into a successful relationship.  Give and take, compassion, understanding and a great deal of communication is necessary; and that is on top of chemistry, compatibility and timing.

The Day of the Date: Player Aware

"and I wonder what she'll wear"

Nervous Much?

You have picked out your clothes, manicured your hands and totally preened yourself from head to toe ready for the date, and you girls have done exactly the same.  










The heart thumping adrenalin, arising from your nervous excitement plays a stronger beat than jungle drums but still you hear a whisper of a voice.  This voice is asking you if your date is going to turn out like a horror story or if they are even going to turn up.  You have already ascertained the prospective date is real by following the Blog's common sense guidelines of photo-swapping, having telephone conversations and perhaps even web-camming.  But... on the grapevine you have heard the term player.  

THE PLAYER

There are dating players and there are pre-dating players.  One of the definitions in the  Mirriam Webster On-line Dictionary for player is a person who plays a game.  In the world of dating it is easy to see that this person is playing at dating or playing at the processes involved in dating.  The term player is not normally applied to someone openly dating many (known as serial dating); therefore the term implies one is dishonest with their intent.  If a dating player gets dates by deception in order to increase the notches on the bedpost, likewise a pre-dating player wants to increase their e-notches. This person goes through the dating processes and makes a date.  Making a date is the mission, and when the mission is accomplished we have an e- (electronic) notch.  What this means to you is that this person has NO intention of meeting.

Shall we delve into the psychology of the wherefores and whys? No, as that would only delay your pre-dating task of damage control.  We would be hard pressed to prevent all such weasels from gaining their e-notches, but the good news is that we can limit its detrimental effect.

Simply disregard "him"  

You may view the pre-dating player who cancels the night before or even at the last minute, as one with a conscience or one continuing to play games (as he may want to have a repeat play); or, the one who does not cancel and you cannot get hold of him, as having no conscience or as a coward.  Actually let us not view him at all!  GUYS - I am sure there are not just male players out there so sit up and take note.






Damage Control

• Dating a person in your own comfort zone.  This guideline has an important rationale in this section too.  If you are stood up whilst on your own turf, it will be simple to divert your time and energy to an alternate activity. The Gym may be an excellent choice to burn off the adrenaline rush but the reality could be that you are hardly dressed for the part.  So diving into the cinema and finding a dark corner (as one does) to absorb the jittery mind, whilst further hormonal changes (think beyond male and female) occur, may cause the mascara to run.  Try waterproof mascara next time.  There may also be 24 hour shopping (for the most part), or friends living locally, to whom you can vent.

Fortunately I have never physically been stood up.  That simply means I have never gone to a venue and the guy has not turned up.  I have, however, had plenty of experiences of being let down.  The excuses are many and varied.  I think a typical one is the car breaking down.  An unusual one was of a grandfather dying and the grandson had spent all the previous night with him and then spent time arranging the funeral.  He had my sympathy until he added that last statement - white Caucasians do not have this instant funeral turn around.  Adding to that, this exhausted gentleman was telling me all this whilst logged onto the dating site the morning the date was due.  I will not repeat the obscenities from him responding to condolences and subtle bluff-calling as I recalled the recent personal experience of my grandmother dying and consequent funeral arrangements, and also workplace experiences.  About a week later I heard from a friend's date's previous date had been stood up in the past by a guy claiming his grandfather had died etc.  I had not yet told her the story.

Of course not all cancellations are fakes.  This is the time you have to listen to your intuition.

• Being played is NOT about you.  Do NOT take this personally.  There ARE going to be many times on your Internet dating journey, when someone says or does something that will sting (your emotions or your pride).  Do NOT take it on board, the issue lays with them and should stay with them.

Recently when guys have been making judgement calls about me, about a person they know nothing about, I have thrown back the comment explaining their judgement is based on their own life's experiences and as such does NOT affect me in the slightest.  This simple truth (which has no malicious intent) about their opinion, tends to have the almost karmic knack of backfiring the speaker's intent.  To which I find is an immediate hilarious bonus.

Perhaps we should all read...  

To communicate effectively on an individual-to-individual basis we  need to learn everyone is different.  A good starting point is between cultures and genders.  I was fortunate to learn this in my last relationship.  There were no language communication issues between F and I; in fact his English surpassed most of the people's with whom I came into contact on a daily basis.  The issues which did arise concerned gender behaviour.  There were times he could not understand me simply because I was a woman and his judgement calls were naturally male orientated.  Similarly I took offence when none was intended.  It was such an obvious case of men seeing things in black and white and women seeing things in shades of grey. Likewise a woman reads between the lines and men take note of the words themselves.     

• Prior to the date set your own standards.  Have a time in mind you want confirmation of the date by.  It is your choice whether you discuss this with the prospective date or not.

Dependent upon my interaction with a prospective date, I may text him in the morning and simply state looking forward to meeting.  If this is not responded to in a reasonable amount of time then alarm bells may ring (especially if it is a lunch date).  I may follow up with a simple get out clause text or have the get out clause attached to the initial text.  Alarm bells scream if this is not responded to.  This may all sound cynical but consider that genuine dates are generally, nervous or not, eager to meet.

Something I do not like doing but has proved justifiable, is resorting to checking any reservations the date has claimed to have made.  Alternatively/additionally perhaps, telephone your prospective date.  A switched off mobile equates to a cancellation in my experience.

Upset? Look on the positive side: if you discover the date is not going ahead before you have spent hours getting ready (both physically and mentally) then you have saved yourself time, energy and fuel.  Let's face it fuel is an expensive commodity these days!  Unfortunately getting to the venue will have to be chalked up to experience...


It could have been worse - he could have turned up

Arranging The First Date

aka MEET

The two of you are showing signs of compatibility in one or more areas.  It could be intellectual, humour, similar pursuits be it in leisure or employment, or perhaps even a suggestion of chemistry.  You become eager to follow this up in meeting the person for the first time.  But are there rules?  You bet your sanity on it.  

Internet Date Rape link

The above is an extreme case, and in reality you are more likely to be "played" (more on that later) than you are to be a victim like the above.  Either way you want to minimise potential angst moments.  There are rules for women and rules for men.  There are rules for single mothers and rules for men.  There are rules of etiquette and rules for men.  Okay I admit I am being flippant, but my flippancy is actually there to indicate rules change according to circumstances; and of course they are not rules per se as we all have choice, but common sense suggestions mainly for women like myself.

• Meet in YOUR comfort zone ladies but NOT too close to your home (you do not want your very own stalker now do you)! 

 I admit I am fortunate for my comfort zone is quite substantial: from the town I grew up in (a historical place no less), pass my village where I live (yes NOT in) and to the city wherein I work (according to a patient on Holby City: the anus of England - but it is not quite that bad). 

• Meet in a public place.  Never have him pick you up for a first date under any circumstances.  This is your health and safety rule, and to use jargon of the 21st century: a no-brainer.

• Have someone aware of where you are going and any details of the person you are going to meet.  This is particularly important if sex is or could be on the agenda.  This is the 21st century and modern women admit to wanting sex just as much as the men do and should be free to go out and get it, albeit safely. Safe sex should not just refer to condoms.

• Single Mums: Please, please, please do not invite or agree to allow a man to enter your premises on a first date basis just because you cannot get a baby-sitter or your libido is overtaking all rational thought.  Your home is your haven and that of your children.

Sexual urges are natural and the satiating of these urges can at times seem imperative.  As a short term solution do browse the adult toy industry.  Sex toys nowadays are often part of the norm in modern sexual relationships.  A chapter for the future methinks.

• Choose an activity with which you will feel most relaxed, something to do that may overcome any potential nerves. 

Personally I find nursing a drink NOT conducive to getting to know someone.  I find lunch or dinner dates most suitable for first dates.  Awkward moments can literally be swallowed up with a mouthful of the Chef's Special.  There is normally a pleasant ambience in pub/hotel/restaurant settings and noise-free so that you can chat to and listen to your date.

• Once the setting and activity has been chosen, suggest it to your date in language which empowers you and sets forth where the onus lies.  For example the guy has offered to meet you for coffee, your response could be "I'll let you invite me to lunch".  

Perhaps I am old-fashioned but I like a guy to be a gentleman on a first date and that includes the etiquette of before, during and after meeting, and of paying.  Perhaps when I become a high-flyer and can match or exceed my potential date's salary, then I will foot the bill (and Paris could be on the agenda for date two).  


And on the subject of etiquette, when I met F for the first time it made us both laugh that he did not have a clue as to why I was standing back from the restaurant door and waiting...  Perhaps only English gentleman are thus "trained", as F is French.  Lately though I have sadly come to believe pulling chairs out for a lady belongs to the black-and-white film era.

So, the date looms...

Is He/She Genuine?

The First Step

You like the profile and you find this member's photographs appealing.  You have even exchanged a couple of messages via the website.  Your heart races and you drift off into a dream-like state wondering if you two have the potential of becoming an earthly Adonis and Aphrodite.

It is time to prove the member is real.  Time to exchange email addresses, phone numbers, more photographs and perhaps even have a web-cam session - I do hope you are not thinking that I am insinuating a naughty session...

Tineye is a reverse image search engine.  Using this you can potentially discover whether that fabulous photograph of your potential date is displayed elsewhere on the net. Click here!

I have recently been played, but caught the guy out the Wednesday prior to the arranged date on Saturday, so no great shakes.  Bless his little cotton socks, the guy tried to make out I was the one with the problem.  The signs were classic: only one photo and did not telephone me, when I went to telephone him I discovered his mobile phone to be on divert.  I guess his disappointment lay in the fact he could not play me right up until the day of the date.  I used Tineye on the photograph on the dating site and discovered the face belongs to an Israeli in America.  Armed with his real name I found him on Facebook and delivered the facts.  The ball is now in his court.

Intent

Now for the next hurdle: is the member's intent genuine?  Being female I rely very much on my intuition (gut instinct), which has served me well.  In fact the only time it has not served me was when I was foolish enough to ignore it.  Intuition can be heightened by rational thoughts and logical assumptions.  Consider why a person may not be free to take calls at certain times of the day; consider why they will text but not talk when you know they are not at work; consider why their number is withheld.  Consider why information you are being given does not always add up.  If your internal alarm bells start ringing, then you start listening!  Then start asking: a person with genuine intent will have genuine explanations.

Prior to meeting someone you may want to sound them out. There are a couple of ways of doing this: although I do not advocate having a monkey profile  (a fake website account), they can be useful and perhaps save you a great deal of grief;  alternatively have you got a friend who you can join the dating site with?

A little historical food for thought

Several years ago I was on a dating site, unbeknown to me, my eldest daughter was also on that site.  She telephoned me in a state of excitement about this one particular guy who was enthralled by her.  He  had explained that he was not chatting to anyone else at that time and hoped she was acting in a likewise manner. She told me his name, the type and number of animals he had (German Shepherd dogs and horses for those interested in such trivial matters), the county he resided in, and that they had spoken with the intention of meeting in the near future.  I asked her to give me the first five numbers of his mobile phone and then proceeded to give her the remaining numbers. Yes, this guy who had suggested exclusivity from the off was arranging to meet the mother also.  Consequently this guy lost the opportunity of meeting either of us.  We both gave him A* for effort because even when he discovered the mother and daughter act, he still tried it on, hoping at least one of us would fall for his bullshit.

Having a friend on a dating site can be invaluable. Between the pair of you, you can discover the members who approach others en masse - those members who impressed you with having made such a huge effort with the message they sent to you, only to find you have been in receipt of a copy and paste job. This does not singularly judge a person but provides a snippet of information that may aid you later in the process of you and your friend assessing genuine intent or how disingenuous a member others may prove themselves to be.  

I could not post the real image, sorry

Like the scenario with my daughter, I had a similar experience with a friend of mine.  This guy doctored his story according to what he thought we wanted to hear. My friend was told he was going through Hell with an alcoholic partner and a baby to look after, obviously going for the sympathy vote; whereas I was told he was separated and living with his sister, as I refused to entertain even the idea of a man in a relationship.  There were other inconsistencies also.  We allowed him to discover we were comparing notes before saying adiós, this prompted him to telephone us declaring we, individually, were who he wanted to meet.  We both were apologised to with regards to the bullshit, and yet he proceeded to poop more.

Be True To Yourself

"Don't judge a book by it's cover"

Why not?

It can be scary joining an internet dating site for the first time.  Perhaps it is scary any time as you need to open yourself up a little which can make you feel vulnerable.  It is certainly advisable to be guarded on how much you open up until you are savvy in the arena of Internet Dating.

Many sites allow you to place photos on your profiles, some even have a private option so that you can choose exactly who sees the photographs.  Choose this option rather than put up old pics or even pics which are not even of you.  If you are eventually planning to meet someone, then a twenty year old photograph or that sexy picture of your best friend is simply NOT a recipe for success.  They are lies! They are just as deceitful as pretending to be a supermodel, cryogenics researcher, or single when you are not.  The truth WILL out.  There is no point shouting from the rooftops for people NOT to judge a book by it's cover, for in the world of dating, the cover truly matters in the first instance.

"Date Me I am Beautiful!"

Looks are subjective.  What attracts one person may repel another or simply be ignored.  Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder.  So why is it there are some people in the world regarded as beautiful by most of us, whereas others appeal only to certain groups?  The answer lies in geometry.  The mathematical formula of phi is present throughout the universe (you can read about this Golden Proportion on the Bibliography page), it is not just facial features we can find attractive through phi, but, for example, music, architecture and nature.


Since we all do not have facial features which adhere to phi, but a varying geometrical formula, perhaps we find those closest to the formula personal to us, attractive.  If you think about it, this could be why, as a general consensus, we unconsciously have a preference for our own types.  

And my point is ;)

I have people watched and I have seen many couples whose features are actually alike.  I prefer the theory of personal facial geometry attraction over that of a once read view a woman seeks her father's look-a-like.  Genetics may have predisposed her personal facial geometry is the same as her father's (as opposed to that of her mother's), she is then seeking a like image of her own features, not a like image of her father. Stating in jest perhaps a son seeks his father's look-alike.  Take the Mona Lisa for example, did she "look" like her husband's father?  Geometrically speaking there would be nothing wrong with that.

The Importance of Looks

Let us acknowledge the importance of looks.  They are important in serving us to want to communicate with the possessor of those looks and for others to want to communicate with us.  You have been honest and you deserve the same in return. Insist on seeing recent photographs of your prospective date.  Note the plural. There are many fake profiles on the Internet, the most obvious ones have one photograph of a "good-looking" person.  Pictographic dishonesty is not the only deceit: people can lie about anything: their age; their size; their height; and unfortunately even their status (i.e whether or not they are actually in a relationship).  Astoundingly some people even lie about their gender.  

My eldest daughter had a direct experience of this: a woman was pretending to be a single man and her boyfriend the opposite.  It was a game they played to see who could get the most hits.  Pathetic?  Why, of course.  But it is more than that, it is a dangerous game playing with peoples' minds and peoples' emotions.  

It's an old pic: 2008

Before I leave the subject of looks and photographic representation, here are two tips: 

• when you upload photographs please have them the right way up.  If they need rotating then do so and reload.  

• Sunglasses, yes they are great at hiding the crows feet and hence take years off of you; but, and perhaps it is only a personal opinion, you still need to show your eyes!  Ignore this remark if you also happily show your face without the age reducer kit.

Promote Yourself

Profiles are there to sell you 

Some simple tips include

• Be original and creative (even in the name that you choose)   Browse profiles for both genders, learn by their successes (what appeals to you) and their failures (what makes you want to flee from their profiles).  

I have written some lengthy profiles in my time with my desire being to attract articulate men. One has to do this in a non-monotone fashion.  There has to be something within the writings to hold someone's attention.  Do, however, be aware many people purely look at your photographs.

• Be honest but learn quickly what information to share and what to withhold: it is not necessarily a good thing to know that you have had forty lovers and ten of them sired children with you.  Honesty is commendable but DON'T state how genuine you are as even liars can and DO make that statement.  Honesty can only be proven over time.  

Every single dating site I have signed up to and actually used has given me experiences of disingenuous men claiming to be totally/utterly/truly etc etc genuine.  Fortunately these men have admitted their deceit (always around their declared "singledom") prior to a date. Amazingly some express surprise that I then refuse to meet them.  I have had feedback women are often creative with their age and body size, whereas men are creative with their height - the truth will out!

• Do not state things of a subjective nature.  It is attractive to be confident but unattractive to show arrogance, and there is a fine line between the two.  The subject of looks is a good example.  Click here for further advice or simply wait until you read the next chapter.

In my experience a person claiming to be attractive/good-looking/handsome is inviting judgement and for me that judgement results in being sarcastically caustic.  Do you really want someone messaging you and making remarks such as the following: "where is the good-looking one of whom your profile states?"; "do not believe everything your mother tells you, she's biased"; "whom-so-ever told you that you are good-looking needs to go to Specsavers"; "did you buy a faulty talking mirror from seven height-challenged men?". 


When men ask me whether I like what I see, I have taken to responding with "you are no Adonis to my no Venus".  Oops I've been mixing up my Roman and Greek Gods of beauty. So I may have to state Aphrodite the next time.

In all seriousness (all right I mean in partial seriousness) I did actually ask a date why he placed very attractive on his profile.  I think I induced an identity crisis because I did not concur with his female friends who apparently told him  to state it.  The sunburn did not help his case either.

• No text speak unless you are trying to indicate humour.  Making use of smiley icons may assist here.  

Believe me, you do NOT come across as youthful or with the times.  In fact it ages you as nowadays text speak is practically obsolete due to an abundance of free mobile texts. Leave it to the teens on Facebook, Twitter, Tumbler and other networking sites. 

• Use spell checker.  Unfortunately spell checker only highlights incorrect spellings NOT spellings which are incorrect through grammar or context.  So double check your profile for such errors.   

I have had plenty of laughs reading about well-educated, inteligent guys in there profiles who, for example, do not seem to know the difference between too and to, you're and your.  And has someone abolished punctuation?  You will soon learn what I mean. 

• Do NOT come across as needy or desperate. Even if you are... you will in time evolve from this state, or keep repeating the same life patterns until YOU decide not to.  Similarly do not come across as miserable,  depressed or hard done by.  Quite often like attracts like.  Again I suggest you take a look at co-dependency on the Bibliography page.

• I have left the subject of photographs as the last pointer because the next chapter will elaborate on it.  For now ensure your profile pictures are of you and are current.

I have learned the most obvious sign of being fake is one single professional picture of an attractive person.  So to prevent yourself from being accused, have several photographs taken in various environments and situations; perhaps with other people (blanked out if they withhold permission or are too young to give permission for their faces to be published on the Internet).

Choosing A dating Website

Choices Choices

There are dating websites which are totally free to join AND free to use.  There are dating sites where men pay but women join for free.  There are dating sites where all members pay a subscription.  There are sites which are basically free but offer a subscription upgrade offering a better software programme and facilitating a better on-line experience.  And of course there are sites which are free to join but if you want to actually use them, they then scream for money!

As an experienced observation, sites where both genders subscribe, there is a marked reduction in fake profiles.  In fact there is simply a marked reduction in members.  Some companies have joined forces to combat this and you may find that you are introducing yourself to a member of another dating site.  Absolutely nothing wrong with that but it can cause initial confusion when communicating.  If you have very little spare time and perhaps blessed with more money than sense then this is the type of site you should opt for.  Just don't be surprised that when you part with your money, they then advise upgrades for additional fees.  That shocked me considering there are some good dating websites around which offer better software programming (in one's own opinion) plus psychological profiling AND you get to keep the pennies in your purse.  

Whatever site you decide to choose, look at it as a positive experience: an opportunity to interact with many other people from all walks of life.  People who you probably would never have bumped into at Tesco, on the school run, at the office convention, or on a girls/guys night out.  In fact if you are female and choose a free site, chances are you will be inundated with men clamouring for your attention. Nothing wrong with this recipe for raising your self esteem somewhat, but be warned it does subside. You will also be gaining experience of different software programmes as you navigate around the website(s). Have fun! E-socialise!

To continue the theme of choices you then need to choose what type of dating site you want to sell yourself on.  There are sites geared for sexual experiences so selling yourself perhaps is not such a bad choice of words.  Do not recoil in horror for conventional dating sites are fast catching onto the idea of intimate encounters, illicit or otherwise.  

It has actually been my experience that there is more honesty in the overtly sexual dating sites: people are more likely to admit they are already in a relationship here than under the umbrella of a conventional dating site.  Before you assume this Blogger is a fallen Angel I will have you know that it is possible to assume a moral high ground on such sites, if you so choose! 

Interaction Alert

Do share your experiences of the Dating Sites with others.

Which ones would you recommend and why.

There are sites which are slate worthy but please be aware I may be limited to what I can publish if defamatory.

Contact me here or through my email address: datingdivination@hotmail.com.

It's All About Me (FOR THEE)

Dating Devi*
(Actually it is Michelle and inherently human)

Why should you follow this Blog? My ego says why not?  I say read a bit and see how it resonates with you.  

Will my Blog guarantee you a partner or make you successful in a relationship? Hell no, that is your responsibility.  Anyone making such  promises is talking out of their backside.  The intention here is to reduce the perils of pre-dating and dating as I dish out a wealth of information, some through direct experiences (presented in red type) and some through observation of human nature , and of course all of it through life as a tutor in all it's guises.  


As much as I will aim to portray a balanced view, suitable for males and females, I hereby highlight my natural gender bias for I am female and date males.  Perhaps it would do the male species of the human race some good to get a female perspective of dating (and the essential pre-dating), and also gain knowledge of what we girls actually have to put up with.  Gender bias aside, the practical tips will have benefits for all.

Single white female WLTM

older and wiser 2012

Actually scrap the would like to meet bit as when I joined my first Internet Dating Site I simply wanted to interact on a social level with the opposite sex.  I did not feel ready to dip my toes into the real world of dating, having been out of it for at least a dozen years.  The following six years of dating and one relationship that resulted from Internet Dating opened my eyes to the perplexities of human nature and the broad spectrum of relationships.

I finally became an independent adult of the 21st century.  It is this adult who would like to amuse those of you who already use the common sense approach to dating, and enlighten those coming to it for the first or subsequent times, and need a little guidance.

First Things First

YOU!

How many of you go from one relationship to another, or even from one bed to another?  You crave intimacy, a sense of belonging and a connection, but do you want it with one or with many?  Do you feel your life is incomplete without another or significant other?  Do you even know what you want or need?


Questions, questions, questions.  Time will answer these and more.  In the meantime there is nothing wrong with using dating as an aid to discovering what you want AND discovering you, for different people will bring out different facets of you. Enjoy the journey but enjoy it safely.


Time will not only start to answer your questions (if you are ready to listen) but also help you learn that it is futile to seek out another to fill in the gaps of your life.  If you are not whole and are needy, the chances are that you will meet someone who fulfils your needs at this particular time, as you do theirs.  However when you do evolve, the dynamics of that relationship will change and you may outgrow each other, this could cause a relationship breakdown.  Go to my Bibliography page for information on codependency. 


Now think of yourself as that evolved member of society.  You do not need someone to make you whole but nevertheless you would like another person to come along and complement you and your life, as you would them.  Think of beef, how wonderfully succulent and tasty it is alone, but complement it with horseradish (or some other preferred sauce) and it tastes out-of-this-world.


Yes I am telling you that one day you could find your horse radish.    As for vegetarians or vegans, I am thinking roasted cashew nuts and salt.

*Devi: comes from the Sanskrit root word of divine, the female aspect, Goddess.